The Knot of Sisyphus

In recent years, I have become increasingly unable to read text, and have started using text-to-speech software to assist with reading. In the past, I could pick up a book and read, even reading monographs during evening self-study instead of doing homework. Now, thinking back, I can't help but miss those days. If one marks a boat to find a lost sword in the daily repetition of fate, at what moment does a person leave a mark? Treating these marks as history, is the length of life determined by how many vivid stories remain on the boat?

The Diamond Sutra says, "The past mind cannot be obtained, the present mind cannot be obtained, the future mind cannot be obtained." The one who clings to appearances and illusions is me, with the past mind foremost. If Sisyphus must be happy, it is merely tying a knot in some ordinary day, and then waiting for some day to weave a new story. Historical facts are not important; what matters is recording the size of the knot that marked the intensity of emotions at the time.

I miss R, I miss K, I miss all lovers and friends. I once tried to write down all the stories, but by the time the memories faded away, I still couldn't complete a piece. I still write letters to this day, transoceanic letters like messages in bottles, with a high probability of staying forever in some place. This way, I can convince myself not to worry about whether the other party received them or why they didn't reply, and feel more at ease. I have a box full of incoming letters. Sometimes I think that if I were to publish these exchanged texts, I would have a small collection by now.